All that worrying for nothing

So I didn't get the job. They decided to promote someone from within the company. Well, why the hell didnt they do that to begin with and left me the hell alone? I've been stressing about how I would manage everything if I took this job. I am the Queen of What-Ifs. Not to say that I'm an overly anxious person, having a complete meltdown every time the delicate balance of my life is upset. I just tend to over-analyze situations and try to plan for the worst-case scenario. Which ends up never being the case. Ever.

I am kinda disappointed that I didn't get the job, the money would have been nice, but everything else about it kinda sucked so I guess it's for the best. I have decided that going back to work full-time is the best course of action, so I've renewed my job-searching efforts.

I go back to my part time evening job tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to it. It just seems like a waste of time. It doesn't pay much and the work is not intellectually stimulating at all. It was nice when I was pregnant and didn't feel like doing much of nothing.

I realized my last couple posts haven't been about the babies. They're both so good and easy that I haven't had moments of intense frustration that I needed to vent about. All the blogs and posts from other twin moms I've read all say something to the effect of "Oh, it'll get easier.". Hell, if that's the case, I can't wait! How could it be much better than this? Well, it would be nice if they could hold their own bottles, and hold onto me when I pick them up so I can carry them both with confidence, but other than that it's been great. I didn't have that instant connection the moment I saw them, and that first week was hell. After talking to a couple other moms, I didn't feel so odd. Anybody who says they feel anything but overwhelming exhaustion after giving birth is full of shit. I don't know when it happened, but I'm so in love with these little girls. They're freakin' perfect. I still want a little cowboy, but not in exchange for my little cowgirls.

We're already talking about having more. I just want one boy and I'll be set. I asked my husband last night how many more and he said 10. He was joking. I think.