Two Month Checkup

I love the girls pediatrician. As I mentioned before, she is really into education. Yesterday after telling her about the girls having crying jags the past two nights, she grabbed some chalk and drew a picture of the stomach on the blackboard in the room, illustrating how acid reflux occurs. She said if they continue to have problems they'll have to go on liquid Zantac. Last night they didnt have any problems, so we'll see. Savannah weighed 9lbs10oz and Heather was 9lbs14oz and they both were 22 1/4 inches long. They were about the 25th percentile for weight and 50th for length which is actually great considering preemies don't usually make the chart until 1 to 2 years of age. They also seem to be hitting milestones early, so that's great. I'm so proud of them and of myself for carrying them until they were healthy enough to come out, it wasn't easy near the end! Call me crazy, I can't wait to have more and do this all over again!

All that worrying for nothing

So I didn't get the job. They decided to promote someone from within the company. Well, why the hell didnt they do that to begin with and left me the hell alone? I've been stressing about how I would manage everything if I took this job. I am the Queen of What-Ifs. Not to say that I'm an overly anxious person, having a complete meltdown every time the delicate balance of my life is upset. I just tend to over-analyze situations and try to plan for the worst-case scenario. Which ends up never being the case. Ever.

I am kinda disappointed that I didn't get the job, the money would have been nice, but everything else about it kinda sucked so I guess it's for the best. I have decided that going back to work full-time is the best course of action, so I've renewed my job-searching efforts.

I go back to my part time evening job tomorrow. I'm not looking forward to it. It just seems like a waste of time. It doesn't pay much and the work is not intellectually stimulating at all. It was nice when I was pregnant and didn't feel like doing much of nothing.

I realized my last couple posts haven't been about the babies. They're both so good and easy that I haven't had moments of intense frustration that I needed to vent about. All the blogs and posts from other twin moms I've read all say something to the effect of "Oh, it'll get easier.". Hell, if that's the case, I can't wait! How could it be much better than this? Well, it would be nice if they could hold their own bottles, and hold onto me when I pick them up so I can carry them both with confidence, but other than that it's been great. I didn't have that instant connection the moment I saw them, and that first week was hell. After talking to a couple other moms, I didn't feel so odd. Anybody who says they feel anything but overwhelming exhaustion after giving birth is full of shit. I don't know when it happened, but I'm so in love with these little girls. They're freakin' perfect. I still want a little cowboy, but not in exchange for my little cowgirls.

We're already talking about having more. I just want one boy and I'll be set. I asked my husband last night how many more and he said 10. He was joking. I think.

Decisions, decisions

I had my interview on Tuesday, if you can call it that. The woman pretty much just explained the position and asked if I was interested. It does sound like something I would enjoy doing. She asked what salary I wanted, I threw out one figure, which was a little low and she countered with something a little higher. Well shit, I shoulda started out higher and I may have gotten it. It's still triple what I make now, which aint saying much, but the insurance is a lot higher than what I pay now and the commute sucks.

All my family thinks I should take it. I almost wish I hadnt been offered it, I hate having to make this decision. Financially, its the right one to make, but I just dont know if its the right thing for our family. I mean, hubby has proved himself to be a great dad, he was right there when I needed him. Now that I handle most of it myself he's backed off. Deep down, I know they'll be taken care of, but I guess its the mom in me that worries whether they'll be taken care of according to my standards and way of doing things.

My mother-in-law is wonderful and has offered to babysit full time. I totally trust her to do it, but it's not really something I wanted her to do. She has a few health problems, and not that I feel that they would hinder her ability to watch them, I just know that she'd push herself to the limit to do what she needed and I love her too much to want that to happen. My father-in-law on the other hand, doesn't feel that she is physically capable and doesn't want her to babysit, but hasn't expressed that to her, only to my husband. The problem there is, he's the one employing my husband. I didn't have these children to pass off to someone else. They will stay with a family member, whether its daddy or grandma; so grandpa's gonna to end up mad either way and that makes me sad, I love my father-in-law.

My other problem is transportation. Now that I've gotten rid of the Mustang, my choices are my 15 mpg Durango, hubbys big truck that I cant stand driving or the 20 year old rustbucket convertible I bought when he needed to drive to Charlotte for radiation every day. At 100 miles per day, none of those are really a viable option. I had thought that maybe I could use my mother in laws car and leave her the SUV, but now I'm not so sure.

I'm going to take it if it's offered, and let it all work itself out.