After watching a couple episodes of Make Room for Multiples, I'm feeling a LOT better (I can't imagine having triplets!!). While we're not on an airtight feeding schedule, it's getting there. Nighttime feedings are easier and I can handle them myself now. It is easier for someone else to feed one baby, but I'm not always going to have someone there to help. I cant wait until they can hold their own bottles!
My step-daugher R has completely surprised me. I was really worried that she would be very jealous and resentful since her dad wasnt around when she was little. She's been such a great help with feeding and changing and keeping an eye on them while I nap. She even told me I could wake her up in the middle of the night if I needed her. Too cute. It's really helped our relationship, she was the one I had the hardest time dealing with. I can't say the same for A, though.
A's had a real attitude problem since we brought the babies home. She's just been real difficult to deal with and she doesnt refer to them by their name; she'll call them That Baby or The Other One and it totally pisses me off. We've been calling them by their names since we settled on names a few months ago! I even try to dress Savannah in pink and Heather in purple to make it easier on everyone else to tell them apart at a glance. Maybe it's just the fact that she's no longer the baby of the house thats bothering her, I'm really not sure. The kids maternal grandmother is coming to pick them up to take them back to Florida for two weeks, and A is talking about not wanting to come back.
I'm torn on how I feel about that. On one hand, she's a pain in the ass most of the time and has a lot of issues that I really dont have the energy or resources to deal with. Also, if she was gone I would have room for another baby if/when I wanted it. But then I feel awful for feeling that way because I know that she doesnt really have a chance if she goes back to her mom. But then again, it's one thing to screw up my own kids, but I cant handle the thought of screwing up someone elses kids. I really dont know. Realistically I probably wont have to worry about it, since mom probably wont want to keep her (she reminds us of Casey Anthony, after she got rid of her kids, she added "Luv'n Life" as a signature to her text messages) and the decision will be made for me.
Whew...kinda went off on a tangent there. Also, I'm looking for a work-from-home job, if anybody knows of something legitimate, let me know!
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Tuesday, July 12, 2011
Another long-winded, nonsensical post
Instead of catching up on some much needed sleep, I am wide awake and on the computer for the second time in two weeks. Considering I spend every waking moment either on my laptop or reading a book, this is quite a change. There are so many things I want to do that just aren't getting done. I really do want to fill out the baby books, and upload pictures and write thank-you notes and all sorts of stuff.
And it's okay. I have to keep telling myself that. It's going to be okay. People get through this part all the time. Bad mommies get through this part, so I'm sure I can do it too.
A day after we brought the babies home, Savannah (baby A) gave me such a scare that we rushed her to the ER in the driving rain. She just wouldn't wake up, wouldn't eat and was very lethargic. It reminded me of the sheep that I had bottle-fed earlier this year that upon weaning, starved to death because he just wouldn't eat grass (I felt awful, because I had joked that he was practice for the twins). The entire ride to the hospital, I was hysterical. My husband insisted on going all the way back to the place I delivered because the local hospitals weren't good enough. My mother-in-law and close friend from church met us there. We only waited a few minutes before being taken back into triage.
Then I felt like the worlds biggest moron, because Savannah woke up squalling after getting violated with the rectal thermometer. Not that I blame her, mind you. The doctor looked her over and said that she looked good, was back up to her birth weight and was just a lazy baby. So apparently I named the girls all wrong, I named Heather after her father because the entire pregnancy she was the one kicking, bouncing around and being a general pain in my ass. As it turns out, Savannah has been the problem child. She wouldn't breastfeed, making me feel like a complete and total failure.
I had a pretty bad case of the baby blues not long after we brought the babies home. Hubby really stepped up to the plate and took over when I really just...couldn't. He took over feeding Savannah because it would just frustrate the hell out of me that she wouldn't eat. What kind of crackpot mom am I that cant feed her kid?
My mom-in-law was also a great help. She noticed I wasn't feeling right and was very supportive, as usual. She is a wonderful person and such an inspiration to me. Once I realized that I didn't have to do everything by myself and that it was okay to lean on others for support, I felt much better. My advice for anyone with the baby blues is to be open with someone you trust about your feelings, that way you have a way to get it off your chest and someone else can keep an eye out for post-partum depression. A couple good naps and a few hours out of the house made everything all better.
We had doctors appointments at week one and week two, they're doing well. I like the doctor, she was the one that first saw signs of my husbands cancer, but I don't really feel that she's comfortable with babies. I took MIL on the second appointment and she asked her a bunch of questions that seemed to kinda stump her, so I'm going to take them to an actual pediatrician.
Savannahs' eating better, most of the time. She has a game she likes to play when she's not really very hungry. She'll suck on the bottle and fill her mouth then spit it all out.
We still have days and nights mixed up and I can tell it's really starting to wear on my husband. He's still in so much pain, which worries him. He made himself an appointment with the oncologist, so I know he's not feeling well. Last night, we just couldn't get them to calm down. They were fed and dry, but wouldn't stop crying. We had to put them in their room and just close the door. I felt awful.
But it's going to be okay. Right?
And it's okay. I have to keep telling myself that. It's going to be okay. People get through this part all the time. Bad mommies get through this part, so I'm sure I can do it too.
A day after we brought the babies home, Savannah (baby A) gave me such a scare that we rushed her to the ER in the driving rain. She just wouldn't wake up, wouldn't eat and was very lethargic. It reminded me of the sheep that I had bottle-fed earlier this year that upon weaning, starved to death because he just wouldn't eat grass (I felt awful, because I had joked that he was practice for the twins). The entire ride to the hospital, I was hysterical. My husband insisted on going all the way back to the place I delivered because the local hospitals weren't good enough. My mother-in-law and close friend from church met us there. We only waited a few minutes before being taken back into triage.
Then I felt like the worlds biggest moron, because Savannah woke up squalling after getting violated with the rectal thermometer. Not that I blame her, mind you. The doctor looked her over and said that she looked good, was back up to her birth weight and was just a lazy baby. So apparently I named the girls all wrong, I named Heather after her father because the entire pregnancy she was the one kicking, bouncing around and being a general pain in my ass. As it turns out, Savannah has been the problem child. She wouldn't breastfeed, making me feel like a complete and total failure.
I had a pretty bad case of the baby blues not long after we brought the babies home. Hubby really stepped up to the plate and took over when I really just...couldn't. He took over feeding Savannah because it would just frustrate the hell out of me that she wouldn't eat. What kind of crackpot mom am I that cant feed her kid?
My mom-in-law was also a great help. She noticed I wasn't feeling right and was very supportive, as usual. She is a wonderful person and such an inspiration to me. Once I realized that I didn't have to do everything by myself and that it was okay to lean on others for support, I felt much better. My advice for anyone with the baby blues is to be open with someone you trust about your feelings, that way you have a way to get it off your chest and someone else can keep an eye out for post-partum depression. A couple good naps and a few hours out of the house made everything all better.
We had doctors appointments at week one and week two, they're doing well. I like the doctor, she was the one that first saw signs of my husbands cancer, but I don't really feel that she's comfortable with babies. I took MIL on the second appointment and she asked her a bunch of questions that seemed to kinda stump her, so I'm going to take them to an actual pediatrician.
Savannahs' eating better, most of the time. She has a game she likes to play when she's not really very hungry. She'll suck on the bottle and fill her mouth then spit it all out.
We still have days and nights mixed up and I can tell it's really starting to wear on my husband. He's still in so much pain, which worries him. He made himself an appointment with the oncologist, so I know he's not feeling well. Last night, we just couldn't get them to calm down. They were fed and dry, but wouldn't stop crying. We had to put them in their room and just close the door. I felt awful.
But it's going to be okay. Right?
Friday, July 8, 2011
Here we are!
*Warning: Long Post Ahead*
So a day after my last post, I was going potty for the eight-millionth time when my water broke at 2:40pm. I called my husband, sloshed downstairs, told my mom-in-law and called my OB. They told me to come to the office to get checked out. I'm still not exactly sure why, but I hopped in the shower while I waited for hubby to pick me up. I was the most calm out of everyone, assuring them I was fine and that it'd probably be a while. I wasnt even having contractions. So I'm sitting on the table, still leaking like mad, when the mid-wife comes in to take a look. "Oh yeah, you're in labor, go to the hospital". Well no shit, Sherlock. I've expelled enough water to fill an Olympic-style pool, I'm pretty sure I could have come to the same determination.
We drove the extra 10 minutes to the hospital, wait an additional 10 at the triage desk before they put me in a room. At this point I stared having contractions and damn did they hurt! The nurse came in and determined that I am 7 cm dilated, after being 5-6 cm just 20 minutes ago at the office. My husband at this point had, or so I thought, gone to get my mother-in-law, but was taking too long to get back. I frantically called both their cell phones continuously until his mom answered. They were eating lunch! Fuckers. I wasnt speaking in complete sentences, but I managed to convey the fact that I wanted him back NOW. He made it back in time to get handed scrubs and sit through a few of my contractions. He made some smart ass comment and got cussed out. I didnt remember that part until he brought it up a few days later and now neither of us can remember what he said. (Or maybe he remembers and doesnt want to tell me). I even snapped at the nurse because I wanted those stupid heart monitors off so I could move. I am always polite to nurses, so I felt really bad afterwards. It wasnt very long before I was wheeled into the OR (Baby A was still breech, bad girl). As much as I didnt want a c-section, I was so relieved when that epidural hit. I had to ask my husband if the doctor had started cutting yet. He was elbow-deep in my tummy, apparently. Hubby held my hand the entire time, but peeked around the sheet to see his little girls come into the world. At 5:43pm, Baby A emerged screaming and weighed 5 lbs 3 oz and measured 18 inches long. Baby B joined her, also screaming, at 5:44pm at 5 lbs 11 oz and 18.5.
They're two weeks today, and it'll have to wait til another post to go over the past two weeks, I'm going to take a nap
So a day after my last post, I was going potty for the eight-millionth time when my water broke at 2:40pm. I called my husband, sloshed downstairs, told my mom-in-law and called my OB. They told me to come to the office to get checked out. I'm still not exactly sure why, but I hopped in the shower while I waited for hubby to pick me up. I was the most calm out of everyone, assuring them I was fine and that it'd probably be a while. I wasnt even having contractions. So I'm sitting on the table, still leaking like mad, when the mid-wife comes in to take a look. "Oh yeah, you're in labor, go to the hospital". Well no shit, Sherlock. I've expelled enough water to fill an Olympic-style pool, I'm pretty sure I could have come to the same determination.
We drove the extra 10 minutes to the hospital, wait an additional 10 at the triage desk before they put me in a room. At this point I stared having contractions and damn did they hurt! The nurse came in and determined that I am 7 cm dilated, after being 5-6 cm just 20 minutes ago at the office. My husband at this point had, or so I thought, gone to get my mother-in-law, but was taking too long to get back. I frantically called both their cell phones continuously until his mom answered. They were eating lunch! Fuckers. I wasnt speaking in complete sentences, but I managed to convey the fact that I wanted him back NOW. He made it back in time to get handed scrubs and sit through a few of my contractions. He made some smart ass comment and got cussed out. I didnt remember that part until he brought it up a few days later and now neither of us can remember what he said. (Or maybe he remembers and doesnt want to tell me). I even snapped at the nurse because I wanted those stupid heart monitors off so I could move. I am always polite to nurses, so I felt really bad afterwards. It wasnt very long before I was wheeled into the OR (Baby A was still breech, bad girl). As much as I didnt want a c-section, I was so relieved when that epidural hit. I had to ask my husband if the doctor had started cutting yet. He was elbow-deep in my tummy, apparently. Hubby held my hand the entire time, but peeked around the sheet to see his little girls come into the world. At 5:43pm, Baby A emerged screaming and weighed 5 lbs 3 oz and measured 18 inches long. Baby B joined her, also screaming, at 5:44pm at 5 lbs 11 oz and 18.5.
They're two weeks today, and it'll have to wait til another post to go over the past two weeks, I'm going to take a nap
Thursday, June 23, 2011
Get out of my belly!
35 weeks 3 days today. I went into preterm labor right about 3 weeks ago which they stopped. Last week my doctor took me off that yucky Procardia and I took me off bedrest. And theres been no progress. Zero. I'm still dilated 2 cms, and while I've had contractions, they havent been regular. Nor do they hurt, which is nice if a little concerning. Though it's not like I'm going to sleep through them, since I get up every hour to go potty. I'm getting pretty desperate, I've considered taking castor oil but my husband tattled on me at my doctors appointment yesterday and the doc told me not to do it. Jerks. Baby A still has her butt in my cervix, but instead of laying transverse, she's sitting up; so hopefully Baby B will push her outta the way when the time comes and I wont have to get sliced open.
I've gained just a hair under 40 lbs, but the last few weeks my tummy has like, exploded (not literally, unfortunately. That would be such a welcome relief). In the past month, I went from having no stretch marks to looking like a NYC road map. I was really hoping I'd be able to get away without any, but such is life I guess. The good news is my belly button isnt sticking out. Belly buttons just gross me out, bleh.
I've gained just a hair under 40 lbs, but the last few weeks my tummy has like, exploded (not literally, unfortunately. That would be such a welcome relief). In the past month, I went from having no stretch marks to looking like a NYC road map. I was really hoping I'd be able to get away without any, but such is life I guess. The good news is my belly button isnt sticking out. Belly buttons just gross me out, bleh.
Saturday, June 4, 2011
Definitely Ready
32 weeks today. I have bragged throughout the entire pregnancy about how easy it was and even considered doing surrogacy because I'm carrying them so well.
Now. I. Am. Miserable. I ache everywhere, I can't get comfy in bed, I dont sleep for more than an hour, I'm tired of all this damn heartburn that wakes me up when needing to go potty doesnt. I've been paranoid this whole time about going into preterm labor, but now every night I hope it'll happen right now.
_________________________
I started that post 5/29. I had my 32 week appointment on 6/1. I had no complaints, so all they did was listen to heart tones and discuss once again delivery options. It was a different doctor than the one I had previously talked to about delivery, but I also liked him a lot. He was right there with me on the way I wanted to do things. He was a little concerned about how far away I lived and instructed me to call him when I had contractions 20 minutes apart. Actually, he specified that I call him from the road. He assured me that I would have false alarms and not to get frustrated if I showed up half a dozen times just to be sent back home.
Well, later that night I woke up from a nap not feeling quite right, so I called the doc and he said to go to the ER since it wasnt contractions. After waiting 2 hours in the waiting room, I had begun having contractions about 20 minutes apart. I told them at the front desk and I thought the nurse was going to fall through the floor. She threw me in a wheelchair and sprinted all the way to Labor & Delivery. Hubby couldnt keep up she was running so fast. They hooked me up to the monitor and saw that I was indeed having contractions. They gave me a Terbutaline shot to stop them (which made me feel yucky) and sent me home with instructions to go back to the doc the next morning.
The next morning they hooked me up to the monitor again and I was still having contractions, so I was scheduled for an ultrasound and then was to be admitted to the hospital for steroid shots. At 32 weeks, Savannah weighs 4lbs6oz and Heather was tipping the scales at 4lbs14oz.
What the hell? What kind of giant Amazon women do I have growing inside me? I've barely put on 40 lbs, I havent ever really kept to the 2,100 calorie diet and lets just say I'm not exactly religious with my prenatals (burn me at the stake, I know) Not to mention I'm apparently anemic now. I hope they're not going to grow up to be like 7 feet tall.
Anyway, yesterday my doc felt pretty good about their sizes and was ready to go ahead and take em out. Baby A is still breech, has been the entire pregnancy and if she's as stubborn as I am, she ain't moving. So a c-section is unavoidable. Dammit! She's so grounded when she's born. Unfortunately, I am no more dilated now than the other day so he's going to let me hang on a while longer. I've been given medicine for the contractions but they make me feel awful and I know that once I get home I wont take em so why not just get it over with?
Argh! So I'm here at the hospital for observation for one more day than I go home tomorrow unless something changes.
Now. I. Am. Miserable. I ache everywhere, I can't get comfy in bed, I dont sleep for more than an hour, I'm tired of all this damn heartburn that wakes me up when needing to go potty doesnt. I've been paranoid this whole time about going into preterm labor, but now every night I hope it'll happen right now.
_________________________
I started that post 5/29. I had my 32 week appointment on 6/1. I had no complaints, so all they did was listen to heart tones and discuss once again delivery options. It was a different doctor than the one I had previously talked to about delivery, but I also liked him a lot. He was right there with me on the way I wanted to do things. He was a little concerned about how far away I lived and instructed me to call him when I had contractions 20 minutes apart. Actually, he specified that I call him from the road. He assured me that I would have false alarms and not to get frustrated if I showed up half a dozen times just to be sent back home.
Well, later that night I woke up from a nap not feeling quite right, so I called the doc and he said to go to the ER since it wasnt contractions. After waiting 2 hours in the waiting room, I had begun having contractions about 20 minutes apart. I told them at the front desk and I thought the nurse was going to fall through the floor. She threw me in a wheelchair and sprinted all the way to Labor & Delivery. Hubby couldnt keep up she was running so fast. They hooked me up to the monitor and saw that I was indeed having contractions. They gave me a Terbutaline shot to stop them (which made me feel yucky) and sent me home with instructions to go back to the doc the next morning.
The next morning they hooked me up to the monitor again and I was still having contractions, so I was scheduled for an ultrasound and then was to be admitted to the hospital for steroid shots. At 32 weeks, Savannah weighs 4lbs6oz and Heather was tipping the scales at 4lbs14oz.
What the hell? What kind of giant Amazon women do I have growing inside me? I've barely put on 40 lbs, I havent ever really kept to the 2,100 calorie diet and lets just say I'm not exactly religious with my prenatals (burn me at the stake, I know) Not to mention I'm apparently anemic now. I hope they're not going to grow up to be like 7 feet tall.
Anyway, yesterday my doc felt pretty good about their sizes and was ready to go ahead and take em out. Baby A is still breech, has been the entire pregnancy and if she's as stubborn as I am, she ain't moving. So a c-section is unavoidable. Dammit! She's so grounded when she's born. Unfortunately, I am no more dilated now than the other day so he's going to let me hang on a while longer. I've been given medicine for the contractions but they make me feel awful and I know that once I get home I wont take em so why not just get it over with?
Argh! So I'm here at the hospital for observation for one more day than I go home tomorrow unless something changes.
Friday, May 27, 2011
Ready or Not...
Okay, they're not coming yet...but it just occured to me that they will eventually. It sounds silly, I know. It really wasnt until we got everything done that it really hit home that these little people will actually be living with us.
And it may be sooner than later. I got taken out of work last week by the doctor. Theres not anything specifically wrong. I called the on-call doc the night before complaining of contractions. He told me to drink water, take a shower (which has helped me every time I've been uncomfortable) and lay down. I didnt have any more problems so I just waited til next mornings appointment. They hooked up monitors to my belly to check heartbeats and contractions. Babies were fine and I didnt have any contractions while laying there, but the midwife was not thrilled with the uterine activity. In her words "I'm worried about the house, not the occupants". My cervix was fine though, if a little short according to the ultrasound tech. So I'm supposed to take it easy. In theory.
I've spent the last few days running around getting stuff ready for babies. Still needed nursery stuff and a vehicle! Oh, that drove me insane. I had to have a Double Snap-n-Go stroller because all the twin moms rave about them, so I had to get carseats that fit in it. I didnt consider that they also had to fit in my car. Which they didnt.
I had been kinda holding on to the hope that I'd be able to keep the bright "Performance Red" Mustang of my teenage years, but after trying to get those car seats to fit it was very obvious that I'd have to do what I said I'd never: drive an SUV. Ended up trading it Sunday for a "light pewter" Dodge Durango. It is so freaking nondescript it makes me cry. Dont get me wrong, it's very nice; in much better condition than my car and I was able to trade it straight across without paying anything, so I got a great deal. I'm going to miss my Mustang. I enjoyed the hell out of it, and it showed (I feel awful for the people that got it, but hey she wanted it). I guess it was just time. *sniff*
I also toured the maternity ward that day. I was pretty comfortable with it. My only disappointment was that with twins, regardless of c-section or not, I can labor in the room but I have to deliver in the OR. I also managed to get a private tour of the NICU and felt pretty good about it.
And it may be sooner than later. I got taken out of work last week by the doctor. Theres not anything specifically wrong. I called the on-call doc the night before complaining of contractions. He told me to drink water, take a shower (which has helped me every time I've been uncomfortable) and lay down. I didnt have any more problems so I just waited til next mornings appointment. They hooked up monitors to my belly to check heartbeats and contractions. Babies were fine and I didnt have any contractions while laying there, but the midwife was not thrilled with the uterine activity. In her words "I'm worried about the house, not the occupants". My cervix was fine though, if a little short according to the ultrasound tech. So I'm supposed to take it easy. In theory.
I've spent the last few days running around getting stuff ready for babies. Still needed nursery stuff and a vehicle! Oh, that drove me insane. I had to have a Double Snap-n-Go stroller because all the twin moms rave about them, so I had to get carseats that fit in it. I didnt consider that they also had to fit in my car. Which they didnt.
I had been kinda holding on to the hope that I'd be able to keep the bright "Performance Red" Mustang of my teenage years, but after trying to get those car seats to fit it was very obvious that I'd have to do what I said I'd never: drive an SUV. Ended up trading it Sunday for a "light pewter" Dodge Durango. It is so freaking nondescript it makes me cry. Dont get me wrong, it's very nice; in much better condition than my car and I was able to trade it straight across without paying anything, so I got a great deal. I'm going to miss my Mustang. I enjoyed the hell out of it, and it showed (I feel awful for the people that got it, but hey she wanted it). I guess it was just time. *sniff*
I also toured the maternity ward that day. I was pretty comfortable with it. My only disappointment was that with twins, regardless of c-section or not, I can labor in the room but I have to deliver in the OR. I also managed to get a private tour of the NICU and felt pretty good about it.
Tuesday, May 3, 2011
Divine Intervention
I'm not about to discuss religion here, or anywhere else for that matter. I've always felt like it's a private matter, like bodily functions, and thusly should be kept to yourself (I've been living with my husband for two years and still lock the bathroom door, much to his irritation). But I will say this: I totally believe that everything happens for a reason.
So last week I dealt with the drama of being dropped by the doctors office that I wasnt terribly happy with anyway. Today I went to visit the new doctors office for the first time, just to kinda get established. I was a little skeptical walking in. I mentioned that the doctor has been practicing OB for over 40 years, right? Well...I think he may have been in the same office for all that time too. It's a little...outdated. The building anyway, all the equipment was up-to-date. And since he's one of the very few OB's to take the Medicaid, he has a lot of um....under privileged patients. I'm not trying to be snooty or hypocritical, really I'm not, it just kinda concerned me that I had to consent to random drug testing.
Anyway, I was very impressed after my appointment. The nurse spent a long time with me going over my medical history as opposed to handing me a list of crap to check off. Then the Certified Nurse Midwife came in, and she spent a pretty good bit with me as well. We couldnt do the glucose or the ultrasound today. She did ask if there was anything I'd like for her to do today, and I told her I wanted my cervix checked just to put my mind at ease. Not once did I feel like I was being a bother or an inconvenience.
Then the moment of truth: I told her how I felt about having a c-section, and she said as long as baby A was head down, we could go for it. Whew! I realize things may not go as I imagine or plan them, but I am overjoyed at finding a practice (at the last minute, no less) that is right in line with how I'd like to do things. I have another appointment in two days to do all the stuff we didnt get to do today, so hopefully that visit will go as well as this one did.
So last week I dealt with the drama of being dropped by the doctors office that I wasnt terribly happy with anyway. Today I went to visit the new doctors office for the first time, just to kinda get established. I was a little skeptical walking in. I mentioned that the doctor has been practicing OB for over 40 years, right? Well...I think he may have been in the same office for all that time too. It's a little...outdated. The building anyway, all the equipment was up-to-date. And since he's one of the very few OB's to take the Medicaid, he has a lot of um....under privileged patients. I'm not trying to be snooty or hypocritical, really I'm not, it just kinda concerned me that I had to consent to random drug testing.
Anyway, I was very impressed after my appointment. The nurse spent a long time with me going over my medical history as opposed to handing me a list of crap to check off. Then the Certified Nurse Midwife came in, and she spent a pretty good bit with me as well. We couldnt do the glucose or the ultrasound today. She did ask if there was anything I'd like for her to do today, and I told her I wanted my cervix checked just to put my mind at ease. Not once did I feel like I was being a bother or an inconvenience.
Then the moment of truth: I told her how I felt about having a c-section, and she said as long as baby A was head down, we could go for it. Whew! I realize things may not go as I imagine or plan them, but I am overjoyed at finding a practice (at the last minute, no less) that is right in line with how I'd like to do things. I have another appointment in two days to do all the stuff we didnt get to do today, so hopefully that visit will go as well as this one did.
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